We discovered we are due within days of each other so it will be fun to have cousins the same age.
Cousin Twins
We left my parent's house on Christmas Eve to go spend a couple of days with Nate's family at his parent's cabin. The first night there, we were all standing around the kitchen talking and his brother announced that they were pregnant with baby #6! We still hadn't told his brother that we were pregnant so Nate ran upstairs to grab our ultrasound picture and announced that we were too!
We discovered we are due within days of each other so it will be fun to have cousins the same age.
We discovered we are due within days of each other so it will be fun to have cousins the same age.
Making Grandparents
We decided to wait until Christmas to tell our families about the pregnancy. Nate's parents we ended up seeing on the 15th for the weekend so we were able to tell them then, and then we told mine on Christmas Eve.
These are the onesies I got as gifts to tell each of our parents.
This will be grandchild #18 on Nate's side but #1 on my side!
We told Nate's parents while we were out at dinner with just them. We wrapped it up as an early Christmas gift and they were definitely surprised!
For Christmas, we went to my house late Friday night but didn't tell my parents until Monday morning when we exchanged gifts as a family. I wanted it to be a complete surprise, and it was! They were a little upset I waited until we were leaving (we went to see Nate's family Monday afternoon) but I think we were forgiven ;).
I feel so much better now that our families know and it doesn't have to be a secret! I know we waited longer than most people to tell their parents but I wanted to do it in person and Christmas was the first chance we had. Now we can slowly start telling friends.
These are the onesies I got as gifts to tell each of our parents.
This will be grandchild #18 on Nate's side but #1 on my side!
We told Nate's parents while we were out at dinner with just them. We wrapped it up as an early Christmas gift and they were definitely surprised!
For Christmas, we went to my house late Friday night but didn't tell my parents until Monday morning when we exchanged gifts as a family. I wanted it to be a complete surprise, and it was! They were a little upset I waited until we were leaving (we went to see Nate's family Monday afternoon) but I think we were forgiven ;).
I feel so much better now that our families know and it doesn't have to be a secret! I know we waited longer than most people to tell their parents but I wanted to do it in person and Christmas was the first chance we had. Now we can slowly start telling friends.
Last Shot!
I can't even tell you how good it feels to know that I don't have any more shots!!!! (well....until I get crazy enough to do this again....)
But for now, it's all over and I'm so, so, so happy!! We're at my parent's house for Christmas but haven't told them I'm pregnant yet so I had to do my last one quietly in our guest room.
Best. Christmas. Present. EVER.
But for now, it's all over and I'm so, so, so happy!! We're at my parent's house for Christmas but haven't told them I'm pregnant yet so I had to do my last one quietly in our guest room.
Best. Christmas. Present. EVER.
Ode to Charlie
I would be most ungrateful if I didn't dedicate an entire post to my amazing store manager, Charlie.
I don't have many personal heroes, but Charlie is definitely one of them. I will be (literally) eternally grateful for the opportunity he gave us to have a family. Have you read the post about my interview?! It was a disaster in so many ways, and yet he took a chance on me, a non-coffee drinker who had only ever eaten a chocolate croissant from Starbucks.
But Charlie's greatness doesn't end with the decision to hire me. He has been so supportive of this entire journey. I was very upfront with him from the beginning as to why I needed the job at Starbucks. He has been my cheerleader every step of the way. We opened the store together many times and it always gave us time to talk about our families and the challenges we both face.
Whenever I needed time off for procedures, Charlie always gave it to me, no questions asked.
When my availability changed 2 weeks into the job to be much less flexible, Charlie still made sure to schedule me 20 hours a week so I would qualify for benefits.
When I was having a rough day due to the shots, Charlie would make sure I had an easy shift assignment.
He made our store a fun place to come to and I think all of the employees felt that. I've been at jobs where most of the employees are unhappy and it's not fun. I honestly feel like everyone at my store enjoyed their job and enjoyed working with each other (99% of the time) and I know it's because Charlie took care in who he hired.
Besides being a great store manager, Charlie is a fantastic dad and provider for his family. He works multiple side jobs cleaning and buying & selling online so that his wife can stay home and take care of their adorable little girl (who looks just like him, it's crazy). In a world where families are being increasingly stretched and torn by outside influences, it's always neat to see someone who knows the value of their family and the importance of having parents who are present in their kids lives.
I don't have many personal heroes, but Charlie is definitely one of them. I will be (literally) eternally grateful for the opportunity he gave us to have a family. Have you read the post about my interview?! It was a disaster in so many ways, and yet he took a chance on me, a non-coffee drinker who had only ever eaten a chocolate croissant from Starbucks.
But Charlie's greatness doesn't end with the decision to hire me. He has been so supportive of this entire journey. I was very upfront with him from the beginning as to why I needed the job at Starbucks. He has been my cheerleader every step of the way. We opened the store together many times and it always gave us time to talk about our families and the challenges we both face.
Whenever I needed time off for procedures, Charlie always gave it to me, no questions asked.
When my availability changed 2 weeks into the job to be much less flexible, Charlie still made sure to schedule me 20 hours a week so I would qualify for benefits.
When I was having a rough day due to the shots, Charlie would make sure I had an easy shift assignment.
He made our store a fun place to come to and I think all of the employees felt that. I've been at jobs where most of the employees are unhappy and it's not fun. I honestly feel like everyone at my store enjoyed their job and enjoyed working with each other (99% of the time) and I know it's because Charlie took care in who he hired.
Besides being a great store manager, Charlie is a fantastic dad and provider for his family. He works multiple side jobs cleaning and buying & selling online so that his wife can stay home and take care of their adorable little girl (who looks just like him, it's crazy). In a world where families are being increasingly stretched and torn by outside influences, it's always neat to see someone who knows the value of their family and the importance of having parents who are present in their kids lives.
So here's to you, Charlie! Thanks for being a bomb dot com manager and life example.
Fancy Shots
We went out to dinner with two of Nate's sisters and their husbands to a fancy steakhouse in Charlotte. First, I will say it was totally delicious! Second, we sat at a table across from a bunch of LA Lakers players who were in town for a game the next day. We all just kept waiting for Lebron to walk in but sadly it never happened haha. Our hopes weren't too high since the other players there weren't the super high profile ones. We only knew it was them because Peter recognized one of the coaches and then Nate recognized one of the rookie players since he's a Lakers fan now.
Third, I asked for a glass with hot water to heat up my PIO and was brought a fancy little teacup instead. I was a little lost with how I should do it but Nate suggested heating up the medication before drawing it into the needle instead of after, and it worked like a charm!
Fourth, when I went to the bathroom to give the shot, the first one drew blood and when I pulled it out it was going everywhere! So I'm in a public bathroom trying to quickly grab some toilet paper to stop the bleeding while trying not to get the stream of blood on my dress or my tights and doing it all with one hand because I don't want to set down a dirty needle anywhere. Gosh, why can't things like that happen when I'm at my own house?!
Infertility Graduation
The day finally came that I graduated from the fertility clinic!! The doctor released me today and now I'm just like every other pregnant girl out there. I will still continue my PIO shots and estrogen patches for a few weeks but other than that, I'm good to go.
See you in a couple of years!
See you in a couple of years!
9 Weeks
I am anxiously awaiting our next ultrasound which will be on Wednesday. They said if this appointment goes well, they will probably release me to my OBGYN at that time. That's crazy! It's actually gone kind of fast...kind of.
I feel extremely lucky to report that so far I have not had any morning sickness or really any negative pregnancy symptoms! (knock on lots of wood...) I had one Saturday where I took 3 (THREE!) naps. It's possible apparently. And I've had a few days or hours where I've felt a little queasy, but really nothing to complain about. I keep waiting for it to hit but also praying it doesn't come and that maybe I'm a lucky one on this front! I could use a break after all this other stuff. I mean, I guess having to give yourself a shot everyday isn't exactly on the "easy" list, but it's gotten to the point where I don't dread it and besides some lumps and bumps in my rear, I'm generally pain free.
I haven't gained any weight but my pants are definitely tighter at the belly. I pee a lot and I am hungry all the time.
I feel extremely lucky to report that so far I have not had any morning sickness or really any negative pregnancy symptoms! (knock on lots of wood...) I had one Saturday where I took 3 (THREE!) naps. It's possible apparently. And I've had a few days or hours where I've felt a little queasy, but really nothing to complain about. I keep waiting for it to hit but also praying it doesn't come and that maybe I'm a lucky one on this front! I could use a break after all this other stuff. I mean, I guess having to give yourself a shot everyday isn't exactly on the "easy" list, but it's gotten to the point where I don't dread it and besides some lumps and bumps in my rear, I'm generally pain free.
I haven't gained any weight but my pants are definitely tighter at the belly. I pee a lot and I am hungry all the time.
A Heartbeat Away
I think this two week wait was so much worse than the actual "two week wait" everyone talks about between transfer and first blood test. I mean, you go from having blood tests every other day to them telling you to just hang out for 2.5 weeks for an ultrasound appointment. I was so tempted (multiple times) to call and ask for another blood test partway through, just to be sure everything was still okay.
We had such a cute nurse this visit. She pulled us back and asked me how I was feeling. I told her "terrified" and she just gave me a big hug and told us how exciting everything was. It was so nice to have her be so warm and excited for us because a lot of people at the clinic are more business like and don't like to get involved, understandably.
Our doctor was the one who came in to do the ultrasound. As soon as she got a picture I knew everything looked good (well, it all looked good according to my limited knowledge of ultrasounds hahaha). She was able to find the heartbeat super quick and it's crazy how you can see it pulsing on the ultrasound, even when the baby is only as big as a blueberry!
I am 7 weeks, 3 days which was further than I expected. I looked it up online a week or so ago to figure out how far I was because I wasn't sure how to calculate it factoring in IVF. That means my due date is July 14th!
I honestly just felt overwhelmed after the appointment. It's hard to feel happy when you're so scared something is going to go wrong. And how are you supposed to feel when everything you've ever wanted is finally happening?! I'm not a very emotional person and I think I usually just get quiet when big things happen, so they probably all thought I was angry or something...I don't really know. I just really didn't know what to say or how to feel or what to do. It's so overwhelming.
A few days later and I think I'm feeling better about everything. At least, I don't feel so overwhelmed now. I'm sure that will come and go through the whole pregnancy though.
Eating at Shake Shack after the ultrasound. We had a bit of time to kill before I dropped Nate off at the airport for a quick business trip. Another reason I'm glad the appointment went well because if not, I was spending the night all alone.
We had such a cute nurse this visit. She pulled us back and asked me how I was feeling. I told her "terrified" and she just gave me a big hug and told us how exciting everything was. It was so nice to have her be so warm and excited for us because a lot of people at the clinic are more business like and don't like to get involved, understandably.
Our doctor was the one who came in to do the ultrasound. As soon as she got a picture I knew everything looked good (well, it all looked good according to my limited knowledge of ultrasounds hahaha). She was able to find the heartbeat super quick and it's crazy how you can see it pulsing on the ultrasound, even when the baby is only as big as a blueberry!
I am 7 weeks, 3 days which was further than I expected. I looked it up online a week or so ago to figure out how far I was because I wasn't sure how to calculate it factoring in IVF. That means my due date is July 14th!
I honestly just felt overwhelmed after the appointment. It's hard to feel happy when you're so scared something is going to go wrong. And how are you supposed to feel when everything you've ever wanted is finally happening?! I'm not a very emotional person and I think I usually just get quiet when big things happen, so they probably all thought I was angry or something...I don't really know. I just really didn't know what to say or how to feel or what to do. It's so overwhelming.
A few days later and I think I'm feeling better about everything. At least, I don't feel so overwhelmed now. I'm sure that will come and go through the whole pregnancy though.
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| This one shows the baby's heartbeat. |
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| This one shows the baby is 12.16mm long and is measuring 7 weeks 3 days (right on schedule!) |
Uncharted Territory
Welp. Here we are. I made it to the third blood draw. We're now in uncharted waters.
I swear, each one gets more and more nervewracking to wait for the results.
But to keep the suspense to a minimum....my HCG was over 4000! Yay!! They said it's perfect and we don't need to do anymore blood draws, the next time I will go in is for an ultrasound on November 28th. That's over 2 weeks away! How am I supposed to go from updates every other day to waiting two weeks again??? I really don't know how I'm supposed to do this haha And it's the awkward time of when do we start telling people?! Nate's sisters that live right here by us ask him all the time how things are going and they knew we'd be transferring soon, so we really can't keep it a secret much longer from them. But I don't want to tell too many others until we have the ultrasound and confirm things look good. Even then, I know things can go downhill quick.
I'm just trying really hard to enjoy the moment and be excited and not assume the worst is going to happen. It still doesn't seem real.
I still haven't taken a home pregnancy test. Is that bad? Is that robbing me of some sort of excitement or a rite of passage? I really have no idea. I just can't deal with seeing another positive test, to only have it not turn out in the end. So at this point, I'm okay just going along as I have been :)
I swear, each one gets more and more nervewracking to wait for the results.
But to keep the suspense to a minimum....my HCG was over 4000! Yay!! They said it's perfect and we don't need to do anymore blood draws, the next time I will go in is for an ultrasound on November 28th. That's over 2 weeks away! How am I supposed to go from updates every other day to waiting two weeks again??? I really don't know how I'm supposed to do this haha And it's the awkward time of when do we start telling people?! Nate's sisters that live right here by us ask him all the time how things are going and they knew we'd be transferring soon, so we really can't keep it a secret much longer from them. But I don't want to tell too many others until we have the ultrasound and confirm things look good. Even then, I know things can go downhill quick.
I'm just trying really hard to enjoy the moment and be excited and not assume the worst is going to happen. It still doesn't seem real.
I still haven't taken a home pregnancy test. Is that bad? Is that robbing me of some sort of excitement or a rite of passage? I really have no idea. I just can't deal with seeing another positive test, to only have it not turn out in the end. So at this point, I'm okay just going along as I have been :)
Hope for the Hopeless
I went in for my second blood test two days after the first. Again, not super hopeful since this was the day, last transfer, where everything ended.
Before my blood was drawn, I asked the lab tech what my HCG level was from the first draw. For some reason, they hadn't posted it online for me to see yet. She started off by saying that after the first transfer my HCG was 60, and they want it to be at least 50 that first draw. Then that number should double every 48 hours. At my second draw, the HCG level actually decreased, which is how they knew the pregnancy was not viable.
Well, my HCG from the first draw this time was.....drumroll please.....686!!! WHAT?! I didn't even know it could be that high. I mean, I don't know much about what these numbers are supposed to be, and from my very rudimentary research online, they can vary greatly. But 600 seemed a heck of a lot better than 60!
It gives me a little bit of hope at this point and I feel a little excited, as much as I'm trying not to :)
I was so nervous all day waiting for a phone call to hear if it doubled.
It came back just over 1600!!!! That's more than double! So far, so good. I go back for a third blood draw in three days.
Before my blood was drawn, I asked the lab tech what my HCG level was from the first draw. For some reason, they hadn't posted it online for me to see yet. She started off by saying that after the first transfer my HCG was 60, and they want it to be at least 50 that first draw. Then that number should double every 48 hours. At my second draw, the HCG level actually decreased, which is how they knew the pregnancy was not viable.
Well, my HCG from the first draw this time was.....drumroll please.....686!!! WHAT?! I didn't even know it could be that high. I mean, I don't know much about what these numbers are supposed to be, and from my very rudimentary research online, they can vary greatly. But 600 seemed a heck of a lot better than 60!
It gives me a little bit of hope at this point and I feel a little excited, as much as I'm trying not to :)
I was so nervous all day waiting for a phone call to hear if it doubled.
It came back just over 1600!!!! That's more than double! So far, so good. I go back for a third blood draw in three days.
The Day I Didn't Take a Pregnancy Test
I have been so sure that it didn't work this time around. Last time I just felt like something inside me was different. Not like pregnancy symptoms exactly, but my body knew something was going on. This time I've felt absolutely nothing. Combined with my naughty Saturday Halloween party, I didn't have much hope.
Last time I took a home pregnancy test the morning of my first blood test because I wanted to be prepared for bad news, if it was coming. This time, I was too scared to take a test. I didn't want to see negative and worry all day that it didn't work, only to have it confirmed later. I just felt like whatever happened is going to happen and I don't want to have any sort of expectations. And I didn't want the excitement of a positive test to be crushed only days later by a negative blood test.
So I waited, in anticipation, all day for a call from the nurse. I stupidly forgot my Apple Watch so I had to keep my phone close to see if I was getting a call!
And then I missed it! Gahhhh!!!
When I first listened to the message, I wasn't hopeful because it was my doctor's voice, and she's the one who calls with bad news. However, she gave me a big congratulations and said I was pregnant!
WHAT!?!?!?!?
I was really in disbelief. I had been 90% sure it didn't work.
It's hard because you can't get too excited knowing it's just the first test and things can go downhill quick.
While I don't pretend to know what it's like to have a full-on miscarriage, I got a glimpse of how difficult a pregnancy after one could be, always worrying and not allowing yourself to be happy about the exciting times ahead.
I still didn't take a pregnancy test.
Last time I took a home pregnancy test the morning of my first blood test because I wanted to be prepared for bad news, if it was coming. This time, I was too scared to take a test. I didn't want to see negative and worry all day that it didn't work, only to have it confirmed later. I just felt like whatever happened is going to happen and I don't want to have any sort of expectations. And I didn't want the excitement of a positive test to be crushed only days later by a negative blood test.
So I waited, in anticipation, all day for a call from the nurse. I stupidly forgot my Apple Watch so I had to keep my phone close to see if I was getting a call!
And then I missed it! Gahhhh!!!
When I first listened to the message, I wasn't hopeful because it was my doctor's voice, and she's the one who calls with bad news. However, she gave me a big congratulations and said I was pregnant!
WHAT!?!?!?!?
I was really in disbelief. I had been 90% sure it didn't work.
It's hard because you can't get too excited knowing it's just the first test and things can go downhill quick.
While I don't pretend to know what it's like to have a full-on miscarriage, I got a glimpse of how difficult a pregnancy after one could be, always worrying and not allowing yourself to be happy about the exciting times ahead.
I still didn't take a pregnancy test.
PIO isn't the worst...
I have made a few tweaks to my PIO injections which have helped significantly this round! First, I do them earlier in the evening, between 5-6. This gives me time to be active afterwards, instead of going straight to bed and letting the medicine just sit in my butt all night. I have also been better at massaging it in right after. I don't even necessarily do it with heat, but I really work it in with my fingers. And I massage the area for a good 5+ minutes.
I've really only had 1-2 bad days and they were mild compared to last time. Thankfully I never had the days of hell like my first round. Hopefully it keeps up!
I've really only had 1-2 bad days and they were mild compared to last time. Thankfully I never had the days of hell like my first round. Hopefully it keeps up!
Halloween Bash
And I don't have anywhere else to really post these pictures so this blog will have to do.
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| We were tourists ;) |
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| Cat Brains |
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| Mummy brownies |
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| Spider cookies and jello brains |
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| Chocolate covered pretzels |
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| Teresa and Sierra decorated these like PROs. Probably because they both are actually cake decorators and really are pro. |
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| Drink Station |
My favorite room was the bathroom which I decorated like Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets...complete with Aragog and all his baby spiders...muahahahaha
We also recreated our floating candles room from last year.
The kids enjoyed feeling all of the spooky body parts.
Okay, I do not have a good picture of the maze I made but you can kind of see it here. Well, you can see the top of everything haha
Here are some pictures from inside the maze.
Transfer Day! Take 2...
The time has come again to transfer another one of our little embabies! I feel like it has taken forever to get back to this point, but here we are.
Again, I kind of feel like it's just another day. I don't feel especially nervous, but I guess I already know what's going to happen so there's really no need for nerves. I worked a shift at Starbucks this morning, how fitting. It's like I wanted to tell everyone that in a few hours I was going to get impregnated and how cool is that?! But then I also wasn't going to tell anyone, especially work, quite yet. It's weird to have such exciting news that you can't really tell people about.
I may have filled my bladder a little too full, too early, so I had to go to the bathroom when we got there. It's not easy to only empty your bladder partially, but I did it! And then I kept on chugging more.
We only transferred one embryo again. If this one doesn't work I'm pretty set on transferring two the next time, but we will keep our fingers crossed.
This time I felt everything went a lot smoother. The first time they had a hard time seeing everything and honestly, I think the ultrasound tech was new because she had such a difficult time and the girl this time found what she needed right away! Everything went much quicker and it was less uncomfortable.
After the procedure, we went home and I took a nice long nap, like I love. I'll take any excuse to nap that I can get!
Again, I kind of feel like it's just another day. I don't feel especially nervous, but I guess I already know what's going to happen so there's really no need for nerves. I worked a shift at Starbucks this morning, how fitting. It's like I wanted to tell everyone that in a few hours I was going to get impregnated and how cool is that?! But then I also wasn't going to tell anyone, especially work, quite yet. It's weird to have such exciting news that you can't really tell people about.
I may have filled my bladder a little too full, too early, so I had to go to the bathroom when we got there. It's not easy to only empty your bladder partially, but I did it! And then I kept on chugging more.
We only transferred one embryo again. If this one doesn't work I'm pretty set on transferring two the next time, but we will keep our fingers crossed.
This time I felt everything went a lot smoother. The first time they had a hard time seeing everything and honestly, I think the ultrasound tech was new because she had such a difficult time and the girl this time found what she needed right away! Everything went much quicker and it was less uncomfortable.
After the procedure, we went home and I took a nice long nap, like I love. I'll take any excuse to nap that I can get!
Insurance Games
I'm getting really good at playing this insurance game. I feel like I've definitely come out on top this year! I feel like beating insurance is not the norm...so I'm celebrating while I can.
I've been pretty upfront with my insurance dealings on here and want to pass on whatever tips and tricks I come up with to future Starbucks Mommas (or whoever else is reading this).
Benefits reset on October 1st for Starbucks so you want to use as much of your benefits as you can in the remaining time, especially if you've already met your deductible! This goes for all doctors, not just your fertility stuff.
I was eligible to get refills on my estrogen patches (the ones where they filled 180 for me), leuprolide, and PIO. I won't need the estrogen patches for a while, and I still have a TON left over from my last batch since the transfer was unsuccessful, but if I do get pregnant I will need more! I'm hoping I don't need another batch of leuprolide since that would mean the 2nd transfer is also unsuccessful, but I refilled that just in case.
For the progesterone, my prescription has historically been for 2 vials at a time. I refilled that today (in preparation for the coming transfer later in October) and the pharmacy tech who I was speaking with (at Cigna) told me that if the doctor sent in a new Rx for more vials, they could fill that as well. So I asked my nurse and she sent in a new Rx for TEN vials of progesterone. This will theoretically last 100 days! Plus the 4 vials I already have on hand which definitely gets me through week 12 of a pregnancy!!! So even though my 2nd transfer hasn't even started, and won't happen until my insurance changes, I already have all the meds I need.
A few weeks ago I filled the regular pharmacy drugs for the transfer like valium and an antibiotic as well.
You may be wondering when this is a good idea and if it would be beneficial for you. This is most beneficial for people who are switching insurance providers (I'm going from Cigna to BCBS) or people switching to a lower insurance plan (I'm going from platinum to silver). The reason for this is that right now, I have very low copays for pharmacy meds (valium, antibiotic, estrogen patches) and copays will be significantly higher with a silver plan.) ALSO with a platinum plan, it covers the fertility meds at 100% and with silver I will have 30% coinsurance. So these meds will go towards my $15k fertility max, but I know I'm not close to reaching that, and since I'm switching to BCBS, I'll get a whole new $15k!
I've been pretty upfront with my insurance dealings on here and want to pass on whatever tips and tricks I come up with to future Starbucks Mommas (or whoever else is reading this).
Benefits reset on October 1st for Starbucks so you want to use as much of your benefits as you can in the remaining time, especially if you've already met your deductible! This goes for all doctors, not just your fertility stuff.
I was eligible to get refills on my estrogen patches (the ones where they filled 180 for me), leuprolide, and PIO. I won't need the estrogen patches for a while, and I still have a TON left over from my last batch since the transfer was unsuccessful, but if I do get pregnant I will need more! I'm hoping I don't need another batch of leuprolide since that would mean the 2nd transfer is also unsuccessful, but I refilled that just in case.
For the progesterone, my prescription has historically been for 2 vials at a time. I refilled that today (in preparation for the coming transfer later in October) and the pharmacy tech who I was speaking with (at Cigna) told me that if the doctor sent in a new Rx for more vials, they could fill that as well. So I asked my nurse and she sent in a new Rx for TEN vials of progesterone. This will theoretically last 100 days! Plus the 4 vials I already have on hand which definitely gets me through week 12 of a pregnancy!!! So even though my 2nd transfer hasn't even started, and won't happen until my insurance changes, I already have all the meds I need.
A few weeks ago I filled the regular pharmacy drugs for the transfer like valium and an antibiotic as well.
You may be wondering when this is a good idea and if it would be beneficial for you. This is most beneficial for people who are switching insurance providers (I'm going from Cigna to BCBS) or people switching to a lower insurance plan (I'm going from platinum to silver). The reason for this is that right now, I have very low copays for pharmacy meds (valium, antibiotic, estrogen patches) and copays will be significantly higher with a silver plan.) ALSO with a platinum plan, it covers the fertility meds at 100% and with silver I will have 30% coinsurance. So these meds will go towards my $15k fertility max, but I know I'm not close to reaching that, and since I'm switching to BCBS, I'll get a whole new $15k!
Begin Again
I feel exhausted knowing I'm starting this whole process again. I am so grateful I have embryos frozen so I really don't have to start from the very beginning, but it's still a 6 week process and I forgot how long 6 weeks really is.
Tomorrow I'm starting the leuprolide shots again. I don't mind these because they are tiny, in my belly, and don't need to be heated or refrigerated. But I'm feeling just a little overwhelmed about shots, in general, again. I don't know why exactly. Because if I had gotten pregnant I'd still be giving myself shots.... but there's just something about starting over again that makes me tired and frustrated and a little angry.
However, I'm grateful for the opportunity to try again so soon. I'm grateful I still have insurance (although starting October 1st it will be not nearly as good :( ) and I'm grateful for supportive family and friends. I'll make it through this time, just like last time, and eventually things will work out how they are supposed to.
Tomorrow I'm starting the leuprolide shots again. I don't mind these because they are tiny, in my belly, and don't need to be heated or refrigerated. But I'm feeling just a little overwhelmed about shots, in general, again. I don't know why exactly. Because if I had gotten pregnant I'd still be giving myself shots.... but there's just something about starting over again that makes me tired and frustrated and a little angry.
However, I'm grateful for the opportunity to try again so soon. I'm grateful I still have insurance (although starting October 1st it will be not nearly as good :( ) and I'm grateful for supportive family and friends. I'll make it through this time, just like last time, and eventually things will work out how they are supposed to.
Pregnant for a Day
Today did not go exactly as hoped. I knew it wasn't good news when I saw two missed calls from my clinic and no voicemail. Then when I finally was able to answer the call (I was in the middle of a Starbucks shift) it was my doctor that answered, not the nurse. So at least that gave me a bit of a heads up when hearing the bad news.
Basically, when they test for pregnancy, they are testing your HCG level. These should continue to rise with each test. However, mine decreased. Not good.
She said she had it tested twice to make sure it wasn't a fluke and it came out exactly the same the second time. Our options are to stop all medications now, or continue and test again in two more days, just to make sure the levels don't start rising again. I definitely did not want to drag this out two more days for the super duper slim chance that the numbers could come back up, so I decided to stop the hormones.
We can try again in 5-6 weeks.
I'm not really sure how I feel at the moment. I hate that I tested positive two days ago. I hate that I had a glimpse of what that would be like, only to have it ripped away two days later. But I've also always said that I don't know how I could handle having a miscarriage or carrying a child to term and it not surviving, or a hundred other terrible scenarios. I would so much rather lose it early on, before I would, in any other circumstances, even know I was pregnant. So I guess that's a blessing.
This gives us more time for more tries. I only will have the Starbucks insurance through March (at the latest) so if I need to do multiple tries, they need to be as close together as possible!
I'm grateful for the chance we have to do this. And it gives me hope that it can work in the future. But it does hurt a little more now when I get online and see all the baby and pregnancy pics. For 48 hours I thought that was me.
Basically, when they test for pregnancy, they are testing your HCG level. These should continue to rise with each test. However, mine decreased. Not good.
She said she had it tested twice to make sure it wasn't a fluke and it came out exactly the same the second time. Our options are to stop all medications now, or continue and test again in two more days, just to make sure the levels don't start rising again. I definitely did not want to drag this out two more days for the super duper slim chance that the numbers could come back up, so I decided to stop the hormones.
We can try again in 5-6 weeks.
I'm not really sure how I feel at the moment. I hate that I tested positive two days ago. I hate that I had a glimpse of what that would be like, only to have it ripped away two days later. But I've also always said that I don't know how I could handle having a miscarriage or carrying a child to term and it not surviving, or a hundred other terrible scenarios. I would so much rather lose it early on, before I would, in any other circumstances, even know I was pregnant. So I guess that's a blessing.
This gives us more time for more tries. I only will have the Starbucks insurance through March (at the latest) so if I need to do multiple tries, they need to be as close together as possible!
I'm grateful for the chance we have to do this. And it gives me hope that it can work in the future. But it does hurt a little more now when I get online and see all the baby and pregnancy pics. For 48 hours I thought that was me.
September 5th
Today has been a long time coming! I was finally able to take a pregnancy test this morning and I had my first blood test at the clinic today. I did take a home pregnancy test a few days ago but knew it was probably too soon for anything to show up, even if I was pregnant. But you can't blame a girl for trying.
Well I wanted to take home test this morning because if it was bad news I wanted time to process everything before the nurse at the clinic called with the bad news.
I took it as soon as I woke up and......pregnant! WHAT?! It's a little surreal. At first, it definitely looked negative and I just put it down and went about getting ready. I mean, I'm used to seeing negative tests and nothing ever changes with time. Well now I know why they tell you to wait a few minutes before looking at the test because when I looked 2 minutes later, a faint little line had appeared! I did not know what to think. I wasn't sure if I wanted to wake Nate up to tell him or not. I decided not to because I wanted to wait for the bloodwork to confirm anything AND I wanted to be able to surprise him somehow. It's so hard with all this stuff because there really are no surprises...he knew as well as I did that I was testing that day. But I was going to try a surprise anyway!
I had to run to the office first before going to get bloodwork done but that was around 8:00 and then back to work to await the results. The call came a little before 1:00. It was my nurse, Julie, and she said "congratulations!" and then it all started to get real.
I'm really pregnant. All of this worked. I'm going to be a mom. These stupid, painful shots weren't for nothing. I took five minutes to just go sit in the bathroom at work and have a little happy/ overwhelmed cry.
I didn't get to surprise Nate how I wanted but that's okay. Maybe someday I'll be able to. I feel happy but also not too happy, because I won't let myself get there yet. There's still a long way to go. This was just the first test of many but still so exciting to finally have a positive pregnancy test. Here's to the future!
Well I wanted to take home test this morning because if it was bad news I wanted time to process everything before the nurse at the clinic called with the bad news.
I took it as soon as I woke up and......pregnant! WHAT?! It's a little surreal. At first, it definitely looked negative and I just put it down and went about getting ready. I mean, I'm used to seeing negative tests and nothing ever changes with time. Well now I know why they tell you to wait a few minutes before looking at the test because when I looked 2 minutes later, a faint little line had appeared! I did not know what to think. I wasn't sure if I wanted to wake Nate up to tell him or not. I decided not to because I wanted to wait for the bloodwork to confirm anything AND I wanted to be able to surprise him somehow. It's so hard with all this stuff because there really are no surprises...he knew as well as I did that I was testing that day. But I was going to try a surprise anyway!
I had to run to the office first before going to get bloodwork done but that was around 8:00 and then back to work to await the results. The call came a little before 1:00. It was my nurse, Julie, and she said "congratulations!" and then it all started to get real.
I'm really pregnant. All of this worked. I'm going to be a mom. These stupid, painful shots weren't for nothing. I took five minutes to just go sit in the bathroom at work and have a little happy/ overwhelmed cry.
I didn't get to surprise Nate how I wanted but that's okay. Maybe someday I'll be able to. I feel happy but also not too happy, because I won't let myself get there yet. There's still a long way to go. This was just the first test of many but still so exciting to finally have a positive pregnancy test. Here's to the future!
Getting Better
After almost 2 weeks of PIO shots they are finally starting to be better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! I no longer feel like I'm going to die when I move, although there is still definitely some soreness. Things started getting better on Wednesday and I'm hoping they keep on improving.
Gross Bathrooms are for Shots too
Ug. Doing these shots in some nasty bathrooms are always my favorite. Yay for baby changing tables (even if there's gunk and dust everywhere...)! This was in Bad Daddy's. I needed a way to heat up the oil so I asked for a cup of hot water and then a cup of ice so I could ice the injection site. I'm getting pretty good at all this improvising!
Pushing Through
This morning I woke up at 4:00 for my 4:30 Starbucks shift. I slept better last night and didn't wake up crying, so that's a plus! I definitely was still in a lot of pain this morning, but not completely unbearable.
I thought I'd do just fine at my shift but it was hard. Really hard. I'm so grateful it was only 4 hours because I could barely make it through. I just move so slow and it hurts to bend over because that's stretching those low back/ glute muscles. I thought I was looking forward to my 10 minute break but we only have wood chairs and I couldn't sit down comfortably and without pain. Sooooo...that wasn't great.
My shift was super understanding and let me stay on the register so I didn't have to move around a lot. It was kind of a win/ lose because standing still made my muscles hurt too haha. I was constantly moving my legs and trying to stretch because that made the pain kind of feel like a good stretch pain, instead of a pain pain...if that makes sense.
The day did get better as it went. Again, I didn't think I could make it through the work day, and actually planned to leave by 4:00 (it was our late day where we work until 6) but around 3:00 I started feeling better and I knew I could stick it out.
We will see what the next days have in store...but hopefully they have less pain in them!
PIO is really, really, really the worst.
I don't know how I'm going to survive doing these shots. Today was so hard I can't even describe it. I practically woke up crying and didn't stop until I got to work. Thankfully I had the foresight to not put makeup on until I got there! I really didn't think I would be able to make it through the day, but somehow I did.
I can't sit, stand, walk, or lay down without some pain. The only semi-comfortable position is laying on my belly. Last week this was super uncomfortable and definitely didn't feel good, and was painful at times. Today I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown because the pain is so, so, so bad. I literally cannot touch my lower back/ hips/ upper butt without pain. I don't even understand how this is possible!
I've been looking at forums online trying to figure out if this is normal or what the heck is going on. I feel like everyone is saying it hurts and it's "the worst" but I feel like I cannot function like this the pain is so bad! Also a lot of the people on forums I've found are not doing these for IVF so they aren't doing them daily. They get a break in between which would be so nice!
I'm going to have Nate give me a blessing tonight so I will hopefully start to feel better, or at least be able to cope with this. Because right now I'm miserable, not coping well, and going to have a meltdown....
I can't sit, stand, walk, or lay down without some pain. The only semi-comfortable position is laying on my belly. Last week this was super uncomfortable and definitely didn't feel good, and was painful at times. Today I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown because the pain is so, so, so bad. I literally cannot touch my lower back/ hips/ upper butt without pain. I don't even understand how this is possible!
I've been looking at forums online trying to figure out if this is normal or what the heck is going on. I feel like everyone is saying it hurts and it's "the worst" but I feel like I cannot function like this the pain is so bad! Also a lot of the people on forums I've found are not doing these for IVF so they aren't doing them daily. They get a break in between which would be so nice!
I'm going to have Nate give me a blessing tonight so I will hopefully start to feel better, or at least be able to cope with this. Because right now I'm miserable, not coping well, and going to have a meltdown....
Transfer Day!
Today was transfer day! I spent the morning working around the house and getting things cleaned up. Then I went to lunch at Steak 'n' Shake with a bunch of the young women from my church as an end of summer party.
We arrived at the clinic 30 minutes before transfer. I had to come with a full bladder, which is not fun. But I did pretty well not going overboard!
Thankfully they don't put you out for this procedure, but I did take my first valium! I actually don't know exactly what it did for me...but I guess that's a good thing!
Nate was able to come into the OR for the transfer so he got to wear this cute bunny/ Baymax suit.
It's a pretty special experience to see your embryos on this giant screen and then watch on ultrasound while it's inserted. It's the miracle of life right in front of your face! I mean, how many people can see their kids when they are literally five days old. They are just a cluster of cells with the potential of turning into a living, breathing human being. It's crazy and overwhelming when you really think about it. The procedure takes maybe 20 minutes. I can't say it was the most comfortable, but it wasn't painful.
After the procedure...do I have a glow to me yet??
Here is embryo #1! I really thought I'd have this feeling when I saw the picture and know if it was a boy or girl...but I got nothing. The blurrier looking cells in the center are what will develop into the baby and the less blurry ones will be the placenta. The doctor said that big cell on the lower right is some extra cell thing (I don't really know) that isn't anything bad but isn't a part of the baby.
After the transfer we went to our friends, the Bolin's house. I was super tired so I took a nice 2 hour nap on their couch while Teresa worked and Nate and Matthew ran to our house to grab me my medicine. We decided to go out to Olive Garden for dinner since we hadn't been there in probably a year and a half or more. I just always get the soup because it's unlimited refills and super delicious!
We arrived at the clinic 30 minutes before transfer. I had to come with a full bladder, which is not fun. But I did pretty well not going overboard!
Thankfully they don't put you out for this procedure, but I did take my first valium! I actually don't know exactly what it did for me...but I guess that's a good thing!
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| Potential last picture as a family of two?? |
After the procedure...do I have a glow to me yet??
Here is embryo #1! I really thought I'd have this feeling when I saw the picture and know if it was a boy or girl...but I got nothing. The blurrier looking cells in the center are what will develop into the baby and the less blurry ones will be the placenta. The doctor said that big cell on the lower right is some extra cell thing (I don't really know) that isn't anything bad but isn't a part of the baby.
First family picture??
After the transfer we went to our friends, the Bolin's house. I was super tired so I took a nice 2 hour nap on their couch while Teresa worked and Nate and Matthew ran to our house to grab me my medicine. We decided to go out to Olive Garden for dinner since we hadn't been there in probably a year and a half or more. I just always get the soup because it's unlimited refills and super delicious!
PIO is the worst
I feel like I've handled this IVF think like a champ so far! And then I started PIO (progesterone in oil) shots and I want to....not do shots anymore haha I had Nate do my first one Sunday night because I've heard these are easier to have someone do them for you. Well, I don't know if he hit something, or if my body just wasn't ready for it, but my butt cheek has been in so much pain since then! It feels like a really severe, deep bruise every time I take a step, or stand up, or sit down. It's lovely.
I decided to do my own shot last night and it did go better. I didn't feel the pain right away but today it's definitely sore as well. Yesterday I was literally walking with a limp and today I'm limping on both sides, if that's even possible.
The PIO shots are difficult because they are in oil, which is very thick. It takes so much effort to push it through the needle! And the needles are like 1.5 inches long, as opposed to the half inch needles I've been using.
The worst part is, if I get pregnant, I have to continue these shots for the first 10-12 weeks of pregnancy. So although I'm hoping I can be done with these real soon, I also hope I'm giving them to myself into November. Just hopefully my butt adjusts to the poking and prodding and stops hurting so much...
Increasing Insurance Prices
AH!
It's time to renew insurance as the Starbucks benefit year starts in October. I knew the prices would increase some but HOLY CRAP some of them skyrocketed. I'm going to have to crunch some numbers over the next week to figure out what I want to do.
So here are the numbers from this last year. I went with Cigna Platinum so I was paying $137 per paycheck. I was thinking of downgrading to Cigna Gold in October because it's significantly less per paycheck and I really wouldn't need it for much other than normal stuff. (sorry the picture is hard to see...)
Now here are the new prices...
Not sure how well you can see that but what costs me $137 now would cost me $394 in October!!!!! That's more than double the cost! And if I drop to gold, I'll still be paying $50 more per paycheck than I am now so that's out of the question. I'll either have to go to silver, or choose a different provider. I may do both since Cigna is now the most expensive option. It's so weird that last time Cigna was the cheapest! I've really loved having Cigna and they've been great to work with so I hesitate to switch, but for those prices, I'm almost certain I will.
It's time to renew insurance as the Starbucks benefit year starts in October. I knew the prices would increase some but HOLY CRAP some of them skyrocketed. I'm going to have to crunch some numbers over the next week to figure out what I want to do.
So here are the numbers from this last year. I went with Cigna Platinum so I was paying $137 per paycheck. I was thinking of downgrading to Cigna Gold in October because it's significantly less per paycheck and I really wouldn't need it for much other than normal stuff. (sorry the picture is hard to see...)
Now here are the new prices...
Not sure how well you can see that but what costs me $137 now would cost me $394 in October!!!!! That's more than double the cost! And if I drop to gold, I'll still be paying $50 more per paycheck than I am now so that's out of the question. I'll either have to go to silver, or choose a different provider. I may do both since Cigna is now the most expensive option. It's so weird that last time Cigna was the cheapest! I've really loved having Cigna and they've been great to work with so I hesitate to switch, but for those prices, I'm almost certain I will.
Shots Wait for Nothing
Sometimes, you're out having fun at Carowinds when you have to give yourself a shot. So you sit down between rides and do what you gotta do!
Small Insurance Victory!
I'm so grateful that I've worked in the medical field and been around insurance jargon the last 5 years. As has been talked about in many previous posts, insurance is crazy and difficult to understand. Most people don't understand what they can do to try and prevent paying more than necessary, and if crazy charges come back, they don't realize they can appeal those, or at least talk with someone about what's going on.
My most recent "insurance win" is getting all these estrogen patches! That's 180 of them, and I got them for $10!
When I originally called the pharmacy to see what the cost would be, they told me insurance would cover approximately 16 patches for my $4 copay, but I would have to buy the rest out of pocket and they would be $550. And that was for a total of #72 patches (what my doctor has prescribed). This is because insurance companies have set standards for what the believe is good quality care regarding medicines. Each medication has a 30 day quantity limit that insurance says "we won't cover more than X pills in 30 days because any more than that is unnecessary because we are your doctor and went to medical school and we know what is best for you."
Well because I knew I had a good reason for needing so many patches, I asked what else I could do and they suggested submitting a prior authorization for a quantity override. This is something the doctor's office needs to do.
I contacted my clinic and explained the situation so they would be expecting the form from the insurance. I also stayed on top of Cigna's pharmacy to make sure they sent them the PA to fill out. I never really heard what the decision was, but a week later received a gigantic box of 180 patches with a $10 bill. Not too shabby!!!
It never hurts to ask questions, to see what you can do to get a better deal. The other important thing is to be ahead of the game and ask questions BEFORE you get a bill for $550. I'm definitely glad I knew about prior authorizations before this experience because I had to do many of them when I worked at the pain clinic. Doing them can be a pain in the butt so I made sure to profusely thank my nurse for filling out the paperwork so that I was able to save a lot of money!
Also, as a side note, this is only an option for drugs covered by your pharmacy benefit. Most of the Starbucks plans do not cover any of the injectables under the pharmacy benefit...they go towards medical. If the drug is something you have a co-pay for, it falls under pharmacy.
My most recent "insurance win" is getting all these estrogen patches! That's 180 of them, and I got them for $10!
When I originally called the pharmacy to see what the cost would be, they told me insurance would cover approximately 16 patches for my $4 copay, but I would have to buy the rest out of pocket and they would be $550. And that was for a total of #72 patches (what my doctor has prescribed). This is because insurance companies have set standards for what the believe is good quality care regarding medicines. Each medication has a 30 day quantity limit that insurance says "we won't cover more than X pills in 30 days because any more than that is unnecessary because we are your doctor and went to medical school and we know what is best for you."
Well because I knew I had a good reason for needing so many patches, I asked what else I could do and they suggested submitting a prior authorization for a quantity override. This is something the doctor's office needs to do.
I contacted my clinic and explained the situation so they would be expecting the form from the insurance. I also stayed on top of Cigna's pharmacy to make sure they sent them the PA to fill out. I never really heard what the decision was, but a week later received a gigantic box of 180 patches with a $10 bill. Not too shabby!!!
It never hurts to ask questions, to see what you can do to get a better deal. The other important thing is to be ahead of the game and ask questions BEFORE you get a bill for $550. I'm definitely glad I knew about prior authorizations before this experience because I had to do many of them when I worked at the pain clinic. Doing them can be a pain in the butt so I made sure to profusely thank my nurse for filling out the paperwork so that I was able to save a lot of money!
Also, as a side note, this is only an option for drugs covered by your pharmacy benefit. Most of the Starbucks plans do not cover any of the injectables under the pharmacy benefit...they go towards medical. If the drug is something you have a co-pay for, it falls under pharmacy.
40 Years in the Making
Yesterday was the 40th birthday of the world's first IVF baby. Since then, there have been at least 8 MILLION babies born using IVF technology. That's the population of Hong Kong!
I got a little teary yesterday reading articles about what a miracle this is. The more you learn about IVF, the more unbelievable it actually is. I mean, how the heck do they have a glass pipette small enough to pick up a single sperm and insert it directly into a single egg?! If you've never watched a video on youtube of this, you really should. It's completely crazy. And to think someone did that for us, and created all these possible future babies that our bodies wouldn't have been able to do on their own.
I truly am grateful for the doctors and scientists that have made this technology possible. For the doctors today that continue to research and study human reproduction and embryology so that every woman has the hope and chance to carry her own baby.
I am grateful that I was born in this day and age and not 40 years ago. I'm not sure how I would feel about the whole process when it was first starting. I can understand how some people may be uncomfortable with the idea of "playing God" and creating children in a science lab. I probably would not have understood it when the technology first emerged either. So I'm grateful for the women before me who've pioneered the way. For the women who I personally know who have gone through this process. For the peace I've always felt when learning about IVF, even years before I knew I would take part in the process. For supportive friends and family. For Starbucks. For my Starbucks manager for giving me the chance.
My story, and the story of so many other men and women, started 40 years ago and I'm glad there's a day for me to remember that!
I got a little teary yesterday reading articles about what a miracle this is. The more you learn about IVF, the more unbelievable it actually is. I mean, how the heck do they have a glass pipette small enough to pick up a single sperm and insert it directly into a single egg?! If you've never watched a video on youtube of this, you really should. It's completely crazy. And to think someone did that for us, and created all these possible future babies that our bodies wouldn't have been able to do on their own.
I truly am grateful for the doctors and scientists that have made this technology possible. For the doctors today that continue to research and study human reproduction and embryology so that every woman has the hope and chance to carry her own baby.
I am grateful that I was born in this day and age and not 40 years ago. I'm not sure how I would feel about the whole process when it was first starting. I can understand how some people may be uncomfortable with the idea of "playing God" and creating children in a science lab. I probably would not have understood it when the technology first emerged either. So I'm grateful for the women before me who've pioneered the way. For the women who I personally know who have gone through this process. For the peace I've always felt when learning about IVF, even years before I knew I would take part in the process. For supportive friends and family. For Starbucks. For my Starbucks manager for giving me the chance.
My story, and the story of so many other men and women, started 40 years ago and I'm glad there's a day for me to remember that!
The Trial Transfer
The clinic called me on Wednesday saying they needed to reschedule the trial transfer. It worked best for me to just do it this morning (Thursday) and for me to go into work late. I actually am covering at another office today so I felt kind of bad, but I only got there 2 hours late and they had only had a few patients, so it worked out well!
The trial transfer was actually more uncomfortable than I was expecting! I was not prepared for it. It was just uncomfortable because I had to have a full bladder and they've got an ultrasound pressing right over the bladder, plus a speculum going up the other way, with a probe.
The reason they do the trial transfer is to check for polyps or anything else that may compromise the integrity of the transfer. Polyps can develop during stims because of all the extra hormones and you can usually not sustain a pregnancy with a polyp.
Everything went great and they cleared me to continue on with the process! Glad I don't need any additional surgery or time to wait for this transfer!
***As a side note, after the fact...the clinic did bill insurance for the trial transfer and it was covered 100%! Not sure if this is the same for all insurances, but Cigna at least did not have any problems. The clinic said doing this was pretty standard so most insurances with fertility benefits should cover it.
Next Steps
I feel like the last few months everything has been so focused on the egg retrieval. I knew the process and the plan and everything went great! Then last week I started feeling really lost. Like, what do I do now that I have 7 eggs frozen?
Today I went back to the fertility clinic to have another consult with the doctor to discuss next steps. we decided to plan for a transfer sometime this fall, after my body has had sufficient time to recover from the retrieval. I'm hoping to have it done by October 1st because that's when the Starbucks insurance year starts again so I'll have to meet deductibles all over again etc.
The first step is completing a trial transfer. I am scheduled to go in for this on Friday after work at Starbucks. I was thankfully able to give myself enough time to run home and shower before heading over.
OMG He's So Cute
So far I haven't posted too many personal things on here (like life outside IVF!) so I just wanted to take a minute and say how cute my husband is!
This whole process has been hard for him because he sometimes feels like it's more "my thing" than "our thing" since it's basically me going to the doctor all the time, and giving shots, and having procedures. It's not really 50/50 like traditional baby making. Because of this, it's been harder for him to get excited about everything going on.
But today I got this text from him...
I mean is this not the best ever?! It made my heart so happy. Nate researches everything before buying it. No matter how big or small. Usually it's tech stuff. He looooves new tech. So when he tells me he's spent so much time looking at baby stuff, I really can't describe how happy it made me!
It wasn't just baby clothes, but baby swings, car seats, strollers, monitors, cribs, and more!
Also, no, we did not buy $400 worth of baby clothes for a baby we don't know if we're having yet ;)
This whole process has been hard for him because he sometimes feels like it's more "my thing" than "our thing" since it's basically me going to the doctor all the time, and giving shots, and having procedures. It's not really 50/50 like traditional baby making. Because of this, it's been harder for him to get excited about everything going on.
But today I got this text from him...
I mean is this not the best ever?! It made my heart so happy. Nate researches everything before buying it. No matter how big or small. Usually it's tech stuff. He looooves new tech. So when he tells me he's spent so much time looking at baby stuff, I really can't describe how happy it made me!
It wasn't just baby clothes, but baby swings, car seats, strollers, monitors, cribs, and more!
Also, no, we did not buy $400 worth of baby clothes for a baby we don't know if we're having yet ;)
The Longest Week
The egg retrieval doesn't end your worrying because we got 26 eggs...it's only the beginning!
Eggs have to be at the perfect maturity in order to fertilize. Of the 26 eggs that were collected, only 19 of them were at the right stage to fertilize.
We had a procedure done called ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). In traditional IVF, they put the best sperm in a petri dish with the eggs and let them naturally fertilize. With ICSI, they individually take a sperm and inject it into an egg. HOW DO THEY DO THIS?! It seriously blows my mind. They literally have a little glass pipette that picks up a single sperm and injects it into an egg. How do they have pipettes that small?? I really wish I could get a tour of an IVF lab!
So when you leave the clinic after your retrieval you know how many eggs they retrieved. Your first update phone call comes the next morning when they tell you how many of your eggs are fertilized. As I said, 19 were at the right stage to fertilize and of those 19, 12 of them took to fertilization. We were a little disappointed by this. It seemed like such a big drop to go from 26 to 12 overnight! And fertilization seems like the easy part to me because how could the egg not fertilize when it's injected with a sperm?! I don't really know.
The next day you don't get an update. Ahhhhh the wait!
On day three they called to let us know that of the 12 fertilized eggs, 11 of them were still growing. The embryologist at the lab rattled off a bunch of numbers of how many cells each one of the eggs had because they were all at different stages but I didn't understand most of what she said. At the end I just said "so how many of those are good?" haha That's when I realized despite all of the mumbo jumbo she said, 11 were still good and growing. This was definitely more hopeful for me!
Day 4-- no update.
The clinic had been calling with updates around 8-9 am on update days but day 5 I didn't get a call like I expected. Not a huge deal except we were at the lake and going to go out on the boat for the day. When we got to the boat I had a missed call from the clinic even though my phone never rang! I had the ringer turned all the way up and held it in my hand the entire time because I didn't want to miss it. I thought they would leave a voicemail but no such luck.
I was really confused by this because I gave them explicit permission to leave me voicemails. Then I realized maybe my mailbox was full. My phone has a bad habit of not notifying me when the voicemail was full so I was super bummed! Since it was a Saturday there was no way for me to call them back. Day 5 is an important update too because they will freeze eggs that make it to day 5. So these were the final numbers of how many eggs we will have to work with!
We had a fun day on the lake and got home late in the afternoon. A couple hours after we got home I had a voicemail come through! Why it took sooooo long, I do not know.
They said that 4 of the embryos were far enough along to freeze and that they were going to continue watching another 4 that were slower growing but still growing.
Day 6- Our final update! The embryologist said 3 more had reached the stage where they could freeze them so we have 7 total to freeze!! This is really the best scenario I could have hoped for! I feel so happy having seven. It feels like the perfect number. It's more than just getting one try, but the likelyhood that all seven will result in a pregnancy is small so even if half of them took, we can still have multiple children! It just gives me so much hope for the future.
Eggs have to be at the perfect maturity in order to fertilize. Of the 26 eggs that were collected, only 19 of them were at the right stage to fertilize.
We had a procedure done called ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). In traditional IVF, they put the best sperm in a petri dish with the eggs and let them naturally fertilize. With ICSI, they individually take a sperm and inject it into an egg. HOW DO THEY DO THIS?! It seriously blows my mind. They literally have a little glass pipette that picks up a single sperm and injects it into an egg. How do they have pipettes that small?? I really wish I could get a tour of an IVF lab!
 |
| Not our egg...just a picture of what it would look like. |
The next day you don't get an update. Ahhhhh the wait!
On day three they called to let us know that of the 12 fertilized eggs, 11 of them were still growing. The embryologist at the lab rattled off a bunch of numbers of how many cells each one of the eggs had because they were all at different stages but I didn't understand most of what she said. At the end I just said "so how many of those are good?" haha That's when I realized despite all of the mumbo jumbo she said, 11 were still good and growing. This was definitely more hopeful for me!
Day 4-- no update.
The clinic had been calling with updates around 8-9 am on update days but day 5 I didn't get a call like I expected. Not a huge deal except we were at the lake and going to go out on the boat for the day. When we got to the boat I had a missed call from the clinic even though my phone never rang! I had the ringer turned all the way up and held it in my hand the entire time because I didn't want to miss it. I thought they would leave a voicemail but no such luck.
I was really confused by this because I gave them explicit permission to leave me voicemails. Then I realized maybe my mailbox was full. My phone has a bad habit of not notifying me when the voicemail was full so I was super bummed! Since it was a Saturday there was no way for me to call them back. Day 5 is an important update too because they will freeze eggs that make it to day 5. So these were the final numbers of how many eggs we will have to work with!
We had a fun day on the lake and got home late in the afternoon. A couple hours after we got home I had a voicemail come through! Why it took sooooo long, I do not know.
They said that 4 of the embryos were far enough along to freeze and that they were going to continue watching another 4 that were slower growing but still growing.
Day 6- Our final update! The embryologist said 3 more had reached the stage where they could freeze them so we have 7 total to freeze!! This is really the best scenario I could have hoped for! I feel so happy having seven. It feels like the perfect number. It's more than just getting one try, but the likelyhood that all seven will result in a pregnancy is small so even if half of them took, we can still have multiple children! It just gives me so much hope for the future.
Egg Retrieval Day
Whew! What a day it's been!
Since the retrieval wasn't until 10:15 I actually got to sleep in this morning. Usually I leave for work at 5:45 and we didn't have to leave for the clinic until 8:00. Nate working from home definitely has benefits so he was able to take a call in the car on the way there and work while I was in surgery so he didn't have to take a day off.
My clinic has their own surgical center in their office which is so convenient. It's so stressful when you go somewhere new and have to figure out parking and checking in etc.
After checking in, Nate went upstairs to give his contribution and I was brought back to my "room" to change and get comfortable. One of the nurses came in to talk me through the procedure again and go over all my post-op instructions. I also met with the nurse anesthetist who administered my IV (it was way easier than I was expecting or else she was really good!).
My doctor wasn't able to be there the day of the retrieval so one of the other docs from the clinic did the procedure. He came in and again went over the procedure and what I could expect post-op. Nate made a joke about not being able to go to Carowinds this afternoon and he didn't quite know what to make of it until I started laughing and he realized we were joking. However, he did tell me I was not allowed to just lay around all day. My estrogen was really high and I was at an increased risk for developing blood clots. He encouraged me to get up and do something in the afternoon.
All ready to go!
As they were putting me to sleep I noticed the clock on the wall...10:15 exactly. Man, they are good!
Super attractive post-op picture ;)
I was really worried about coming out of anesthesia but think I did great! It's just like I was sleeping and then I woke up and felt just fine! I don't know if I said anything goofy earlier because Nate had to wait in the lobby until I woke up. By the time he came back I was pretty much back to normal. Pretty much. I did take a post-op video of myself where you can tell I'm still a little loopy haha
I was definitely sore after the procedure but they had a heating pad on me which felt so good. Anyone that knows me knows I looooove a good heating pad. I should really buy one. I just have rice pillows I heat up in the microwave that I use all the time for cramps or just for a sore back and neck. They are my favorite thing ever.
Before leaving, the doctor came in to let us know we had 26 eggs retrieved! That's way more than I was expecting so I am super happy about that!
In total, we were at the clinic only 2 hours! It was super quick!
Since I wasn't able to eat or drink anything that morning, we went to find some food before going home. We settled on Panera since we hadn't had that in forever. As a side note, I really love Starbucks new Kitchen Sink cookie but Panera's put theirs to shame...it was so delicious!
When we got home I slept for 2-3 hours and it felt so good. Nate reminded me I was supposed to walk around some so we went to Sam's Club to do some grocery shopping. Then we called up our friends, the Bolin's, and went to dinner at Bad Daddy's then to see Uncle Drew in the theater.
I really wasn't in a lot of pain, but I was taking pain medication so it was doing it's job!
I'm debating on whether or not to go to work tomorrow. I had heard it was fine to go but then another nurse told me she wouldn't plan on it. I thought about going in for a few hours but since I'm still taking the pain medication regularly, Nate wants me to stay home. I think that's probably the best decision, even though I feel really bad not going because I missed today and I'm taking Thursday off to go to TN with Nate's family.
Since the retrieval wasn't until 10:15 I actually got to sleep in this morning. Usually I leave for work at 5:45 and we didn't have to leave for the clinic until 8:00. Nate working from home definitely has benefits so he was able to take a call in the car on the way there and work while I was in surgery so he didn't have to take a day off.
My clinic has their own surgical center in their office which is so convenient. It's so stressful when you go somewhere new and have to figure out parking and checking in etc.
After checking in, Nate went upstairs to give his contribution and I was brought back to my "room" to change and get comfortable. One of the nurses came in to talk me through the procedure again and go over all my post-op instructions. I also met with the nurse anesthetist who administered my IV (it was way easier than I was expecting or else she was really good!).
My doctor wasn't able to be there the day of the retrieval so one of the other docs from the clinic did the procedure. He came in and again went over the procedure and what I could expect post-op. Nate made a joke about not being able to go to Carowinds this afternoon and he didn't quite know what to make of it until I started laughing and he realized we were joking. However, he did tell me I was not allowed to just lay around all day. My estrogen was really high and I was at an increased risk for developing blood clots. He encouraged me to get up and do something in the afternoon.
All ready to go!
As they were putting me to sleep I noticed the clock on the wall...10:15 exactly. Man, they are good!
Super attractive post-op picture ;)
I was really worried about coming out of anesthesia but think I did great! It's just like I was sleeping and then I woke up and felt just fine! I don't know if I said anything goofy earlier because Nate had to wait in the lobby until I woke up. By the time he came back I was pretty much back to normal. Pretty much. I did take a post-op video of myself where you can tell I'm still a little loopy haha
I was definitely sore after the procedure but they had a heating pad on me which felt so good. Anyone that knows me knows I looooove a good heating pad. I should really buy one. I just have rice pillows I heat up in the microwave that I use all the time for cramps or just for a sore back and neck. They are my favorite thing ever.
Before leaving, the doctor came in to let us know we had 26 eggs retrieved! That's way more than I was expecting so I am super happy about that!
Since I wasn't able to eat or drink anything that morning, we went to find some food before going home. We settled on Panera since we hadn't had that in forever. As a side note, I really love Starbucks new Kitchen Sink cookie but Panera's put theirs to shame...it was so delicious!
When we got home I slept for 2-3 hours and it felt so good. Nate reminded me I was supposed to walk around some so we went to Sam's Club to do some grocery shopping. Then we called up our friends, the Bolin's, and went to dinner at Bad Daddy's then to see Uncle Drew in the theater.
I really wasn't in a lot of pain, but I was taking pain medication so it was doing it's job!
I'm debating on whether or not to go to work tomorrow. I had heard it was fine to go but then another nurse told me she wouldn't plan on it. I thought about going in for a few hours but since I'm still taking the pain medication regularly, Nate wants me to stay home. I think that's probably the best decision, even though I feel really bad not going because I missed today and I'm taking Thursday off to go to TN with Nate's family.
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Signing Off...for now
It's been a crazy year and a half but it's time to say goodbye to this blog for now. I may post updates occasionally, but you know ...
