The Day I Didn't Take a Pregnancy Test

I have been so sure that it didn't work this time around.  Last time I just felt like something inside me was different.  Not like pregnancy symptoms exactly, but my body knew something was going on.  This time I've felt absolutely nothing.  Combined with my naughty Saturday Halloween party, I didn't have much hope.

Last time I took a home pregnancy test the morning of my first blood test because I wanted to be prepared for bad news, if it was coming.  This time, I was too scared to take a test.  I didn't want to see negative and worry all day that it didn't work, only to have it confirmed later.  I just felt like whatever happened is going to happen and I don't want to have any sort of expectations.  And I didn't want the excitement of a positive test to be crushed only days later by a negative blood test.

So I waited, in anticipation, all day for a call from the nurse.  I stupidly forgot my Apple Watch so I had to keep my phone close to see if I was getting a call!

And then I missed it!  Gahhhh!!!

When I first listened to the message, I wasn't hopeful because it was my doctor's voice, and she's the one who calls with bad news.  However, she gave me a big congratulations and said I was pregnant!

WHAT!?!?!?!?

I was really in disbelief.  I had been 90% sure it didn't work.

It's hard because you can't get too excited knowing it's just the first test and things can go downhill quick.

While I don't pretend to know what it's like to have a full-on miscarriage, I got a glimpse of how difficult a pregnancy after one could be, always worrying and not allowing yourself to be happy about the exciting times ahead.

I still didn't take a pregnancy test.