Hope for the Hopeless

I went in for my second blood test two days after the first.  Again, not super hopeful since this was the day, last transfer, where everything ended.

Before my blood was drawn, I asked the lab tech what my HCG level was from the first draw.  For some reason, they hadn't posted it online for me to see yet.  She started off by saying that after the first transfer my HCG was 60, and they want it to be at least 50 that first draw.  Then that number should double every 48 hours.  At my second draw, the HCG level actually decreased, which is how they knew the pregnancy was not viable.

Well, my HCG from the first draw this time was.....drumroll please.....686!!!  WHAT?!  I didn't even know it could be that high. I mean, I don't know much about what these numbers are supposed to be, and from my very rudimentary research online, they can vary greatly.  But 600 seemed a heck of a lot better than 60!

It gives me a little bit of hope at this point and I feel a little excited, as much as I'm trying not to :)

I was so nervous all day waiting for a phone call to hear if it doubled.

It came back just over 1600!!!!  That's more than double!  So far, so good.  I go back for a third blood draw in three days.

The Day I Didn't Take a Pregnancy Test

I have been so sure that it didn't work this time around.  Last time I just felt like something inside me was different.  Not like pregnancy symptoms exactly, but my body knew something was going on.  This time I've felt absolutely nothing.  Combined with my naughty Saturday Halloween party, I didn't have much hope.

Last time I took a home pregnancy test the morning of my first blood test because I wanted to be prepared for bad news, if it was coming.  This time, I was too scared to take a test.  I didn't want to see negative and worry all day that it didn't work, only to have it confirmed later.  I just felt like whatever happened is going to happen and I don't want to have any sort of expectations.  And I didn't want the excitement of a positive test to be crushed only days later by a negative blood test.

So I waited, in anticipation, all day for a call from the nurse.  I stupidly forgot my Apple Watch so I had to keep my phone close to see if I was getting a call!

And then I missed it!  Gahhhh!!!

When I first listened to the message, I wasn't hopeful because it was my doctor's voice, and she's the one who calls with bad news.  However, she gave me a big congratulations and said I was pregnant!

WHAT!?!?!?!?

I was really in disbelief.  I had been 90% sure it didn't work.

It's hard because you can't get too excited knowing it's just the first test and things can go downhill quick.

While I don't pretend to know what it's like to have a full-on miscarriage, I got a glimpse of how difficult a pregnancy after one could be, always worrying and not allowing yourself to be happy about the exciting times ahead.

I still didn't take a pregnancy test.

PIO isn't the worst...

I have made a few tweaks to my PIO injections which have helped significantly this round!  First, I do them earlier in the evening, between 5-6.  This gives me time to be active afterwards, instead of going straight to bed and letting the medicine just sit in my butt all night.  I have also been better at massaging it in right after.  I don't even necessarily do it with heat, but I really work it in with my fingers.  And I massage the area for a good 5+ minutes.

I've really only had 1-2 bad days and they were mild compared to last time.  Thankfully I never had the days of hell like my first round.  Hopefully it keeps up!